doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
