I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
