# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
