Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
