dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
