I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I will die if light touches me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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