Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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