why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
