I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
