I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
