Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Church boner. Awkwardddd
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
