I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
