look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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