Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
