Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
