So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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