you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
