Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't deserve a penis
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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