Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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