I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
