Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
