you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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