Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize