I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
