idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
