Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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