That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
