You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
