remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
