420 ftw
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
