i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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