I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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