were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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