that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
