Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
