it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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