Do you still have your period?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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