my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize