i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
