Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
