U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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