Sry I called you an 8
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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