My liver just broke up with me...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
