You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize