Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
A bitchslap is in order.
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