Moan for me like Helen Keller
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
