Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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