you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
