They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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