woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My breasts were aching with rage.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
