it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ladies don't puke and tell
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
