I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
