Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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