That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
