Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
