HIV tests are more positive than that guy
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
not ubering you a puppy
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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