Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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