i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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