She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're a waste of cheezeits
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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