Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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