now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
