She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
