That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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