shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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