Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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