So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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