he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
