Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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