Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
