So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
