have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so let's talk penis.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
