and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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