When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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