I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
