3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
