I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
50% drunk capacity currently
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
